I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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