one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
