I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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