Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
