i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
