We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
