Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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