My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
