my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
