This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
