I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
