i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my phone needs a breathalizer
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
