Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
