We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
