This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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