I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
