bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
