I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
