He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
