I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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