If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize