so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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