New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
