mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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