Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
