youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
try to milk me bitch
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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