I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So squirting runs in the family.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
