i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've blown a few things in my day
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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