Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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