I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
