dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
