the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
God, I missed his penis.
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