I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
