So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
