There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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