I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
