You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
