I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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