sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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