i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
