Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
