Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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