He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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