Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
