i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
