It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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