I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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