i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
