I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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