If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
