Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
