Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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