my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
