grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
