i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
