you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
