It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
