I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
