Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
