I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he thought i was a dude.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
