Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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