went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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