During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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