u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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