It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
