she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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