You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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