Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sext me about skeletons
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
