Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
