I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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