She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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