think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
