My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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