you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
