He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
